Silly Joke #1

A Catholic priest, a Salvation Army colonel and a Mennonite bishop were friends who lived in the same city. They were friends because they belonged to the city ecumenical club.

They decided to attend an ecumenical conference and to demonstrate their ecumenicism they rode together for the four hour drive. After the conference they discovered the keys in the ignition and the doors locked.

The Catholic priest said, “Let’s break the window and fix it when we get home.”

The Mennonite bishop said, “No it’s my car, we can’t do that. I’ll call my wife and she’ll bring the extra keys.”

The Salvation Army Colonel disagreed, “We’d wait four hours for the keys and then it would still be a four hour drive home. Let’s call a locksmith.”

They began to argue spiritedly holding tight to their positions. After an half hour of arguing, with the same success convincing each other as they had when they argued theology, they seemed to be getting nowhere.

Suddenly the Catholic priest said, “We must resolve this quickly! Look at those storm clouds. In 5 minute it will begin pouring down rain and the inside of the car will get all wet if we don’t get that top up.

Borrowed from Christian Nonviolence and the Desire to Know the Truth by Rev. Emmanuel Charles McCarthy.

Reasons to Kill

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Author: Jon

Jon Kauffman graduated from Goshen College, earning a BA in Religion. Jon attended a Mennonite Church while growing up and currently attends the Salvation Army Church. Jon works as a drafter at TrueNorth Steel, Fargo, ND.

8 thoughts on “Silly Joke #1”

  1. After 10 years of being stranded on a deserted island all alone, they discovered and saved this church of Christ member. All the usual questions of course, How did you do it? What did you eat? What did you drink? All that. But the boat captain noticed he had built three different huts. So he asked why three?

    The church of Christ member said, “Oh, that one I lived in. That one I went to church in. And that other one is where I used to go to church.

    Liked by 1 person

      1. It didn’t seem quite so pertinent, but I heard another one similar, one that cuts maybe just a bit deeper too. Of course, you gotta have just the most basic familiarity with churches of Christ to get it. So, for those who don’t know, the biggest thing we are known for is not our love of Jesus or our commitment to the Bible even (though historically, the second one there should have made the top two or three characteristics), but we are known as the church that forbids musical instruments. NO PIANOS!) (That’s not quite as firm anymore either as it used to be.)

        So, anyway, the joke goes…

        There was this church of Christ where some of the membership wanted a piano, and others did not. A lot of arguing went on for years about this, but nothing changed. Until one Sunday morning, the church assembled to find a grand piano set up at the front of the auditorium. No one touched it, of course, and no one confessed to putting it there. It was all a big mystery, but of course it had everyone talking!

        They all assembled for evening worship that night and it was gone! Poof! Just like it had appeared, so it disappeared.

        Thus, the arguing became evermore embittered. Those who wanted it were all up in arms, those who didn’t were shouting with sweat and spittle. And the argument raged on and on. One soul dared to ask, “So where did it go?”

        No one knew. They searched hi and low, and no one could find it.

        Five years later, it was discovered!

        Safely untouched and unnoticed for five years in the baptistry!

        Ouch!!!

        Liked by 1 person

  2. Jon,

    Change of subject, here, I know (sorta), but I don’t know how else to communicate this with you, and I think it needs to be.

    I am reading Lee Camp’s new book Scandalous Witness. I keep thinking of you and this blog on page after page.

    Allow me to jot down a paragraph and a snip or two:

    Page 136-137

    An apple tree does not yield lemons, and one gets to an oak only by the acorn. In the same way, the fruit of authentic Christianity comes only by means of the divestment of coercion and violence.

    The name commonly given to the temptation to impose Christianity on the world is Constantianism. Constantine was the Roman emperor who made Christianity a legal religion, banning persecution of Christians. (This latter fact is, of course, something to celebrate.) But Constantine’s nominal acceptance of Christianity (he appears to have remained a rather cold-blooded emperor who finally accepted baptism on his deathbed) meant first that the means of empire began to be commingled with the church.

    By the end of the forth century, Christianity was made, under Emperor Theodosius, the only legal religion in the empire. This entailed a radical social change. Within one century Christianity went from being officially persecuted under Emperors Decius and Diocletian at the end of the third century to being the only legal religion, by the end of the fourth century. Moreover, up until the end of the third century, all extant writings from the church fathers exhibit the consistent and unanimous rejection of Christians killing in warfare, but by the century later one had to be baptized Christian in order to be a member of the Roman military. for practicing

    Sorry… hope that copied well… I am under a LOT of distraction at the moment.

    Please… lets talk soon

    Liked by 1 person

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